Greatest People on Earth

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Alternative Uses for the Glow In The Dark Cat

 Scientists have genetically modified felines to have skin and fur that is luminescent in low or no light. Reasons for this might not be clear to the average person, but we rarely have the same uses for the usual wacky experimental products. Although I do not condone animal experimentation of any kind, I know no matter how hard I boycott it, it will continue on, leaving hybrids and mutations to become our pets long after the lab coats are finished playing God.

 I've come up with a few uses for the glow-in-the-dark(GITD for short) cat for when they get evicted from the facilities and start choosing us as their owners.

  •  Lap Cat Reading Lamp- At zero kilowatts per hour, a GITD cat is the cheapest option to light the written word. It also gives the extra benefit of a thigh warmer while flipping the pages of your favorite tome. *I've taken liberties in assuming the average GITD cat owner does not read e-books at night

  • Easily Spotted Clumps- Both shed hair and litter leavings will now show themselves at night, saving GITD cat owners time in scooping and vacuuming. Doing both of these tasks in lack of light will also save energy.

  • Weaning Night Light- For those GITD cat owners who are also parents can use the animal as a transitional night light for when little Joey or Judy are getting a little too old to have a traditional night light. When they wake up after fluffy has gone out of the room, they'll be more used to the dark.

  • Saving Avian Lives- Sometimes when you let your cat out at night, they come back with the carcass of a dead bird for your present. Those lucky enough to own a GITD cat would have a security in the knowledge that when they let their pet loose at night, birds are alerted to their presence, making it less likely that you are to awake with a sad, tortured tweety on your doorstep.

  • Cat Finding- In case your loved mammal gets lost and wanders off to the edge of a dangerous desert at night, the unnatural glow of their fur will alert you to their whereabouts in the pitch blackness of night.*I've also taken liberties to assume that GITD cat owners do not spring for the ever-so-useful GPS pet collar
 So, even though there are some strange things that science is doing to our animals, we can turn the results into positive reasons to love those animals they produce. Thank you, and keep on purring.


  1. Some good suggestions indeed, stupid scientists. Could also be used as one of those csi lights to show pee and stuff lol

  2. There's such thing as a GPS pet collar. Ohhhhh this is VERY exciting xx

  3. Ha, my cat would serve so much usefulness. Whenever I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, my cat follows me. So, like you said, I have a walking nightlight. Or she would definitely be a great reading lamp. Suddenly my cat has purpose. That's a lot to wrap my mind around...

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  5. You forgot one: scaring the s*** out of people you invite to your home at night ;)